I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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