it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
