Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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