I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
