he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
