1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
