my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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