Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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