And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
