I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
