Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
