so explain again why im purple
no
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
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