I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
