no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
