my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
