I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
