I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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