The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
It's just like the Real World with babies
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
