I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
i believe in u and ur pee
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
