i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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