Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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