pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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