This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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