I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
