if i can run in heels then i can drive
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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