It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
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