If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
