Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
