I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
