Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
