I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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