Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
It's rum buckets o'clock
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
