the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
