we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
