I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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