I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
