i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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