Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
