maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
