I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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