Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
