Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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