only if we run a train.
done.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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