You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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