Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
