Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
one might say we're banned from that church
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
