Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
