The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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