rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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