I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
