Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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