batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
