Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
