I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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