You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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