I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
