I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
