I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
